Friday, 5 October 2012

No phone call from my mum

What do I say, but my gut, that signal from that angel was wrong and no phone call from my mum! Or was it another test to see how strong I really was? Got to stop hurting myself, start building that wall again and very high this time. So strong that no one in the world can knock it back down again. Not going to lie, but it hurts like mad that your own flesh can just dismiss you. But this time round I was strong and even if she did call, I wouldn't have broken down like the last time. Yes, got tears at the back of my eyes but I'm proud of myself as they are still locked in. Don't now what I've learned from this yet, maybe this is the time to stop craving what will never be. If your thinking have I forgiven, yes I have as it really wasn't written in my destiny to receive love from my mother. No one can say that I didn't try, I did, again and again. But I'm going to bring myself out from this sadness, this pain, memorise a happy time and focus on the future as it does look bright!

No one can say I've got no heart, it's massive and full of love.

God made me a mother, so I wouldn't crave my own and not only that, he made me the worlds mother.

I will deal with the whys tomorrow as at this precise time I have no idea. Actually there is a lot of whys spinning in my head, why did I call, why did I listen and why again, I should have learned by know.

But you know what Allah knows best, what ever was the plan I'm sure it will all come together.

My next dilemma will be when she passes away, it will happen and yes them tears have come. But I'm so lucky to have tears, as they are a blessing! Think I'm glad I'm by myself know, don't want to upset anyone.

Just look after your daughters please? As they truly do have heaven under their feet.

Love and Peace

Sara Khan

Need a hug really but I'm strong and will be fine. X


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